Do Aspies really feel love for others?

Recola, who has an aspie boyfriend and posted in the discussion area of this topic posted on April 5, 2005 describing some difficulty encountered with her aspie boyfriend. She described his not being there for her in times of needing emotional support and understanding when she needs space due to her own stresses and/or his not fully understanding her need for space when she feels this way.

She asked this question: "Do Aspies really feel love for others or do they just stay with people who give them a comfort level?" and described that her aspie boyfriend seems to take leave of the relationship when she is depressed and that things seem to switch from him professing his love for her to him saying to her that "You need a helpful loving person, someone who can get you through those tough times that you have. I don't have the energy for that".

The first thing I want to make really clear in response to this is that each and every person with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) has their own individual responses to life, to the stress of relating. Each individual person with Asperger's has varying degrees of understanding of "other". Whether or not Recola's boyfriend can actually understand what her stresses or feelings of depression are like and what she needs and why or not is not clear. He may well not be able to empathize. Some people with AS lack empathy. Some have empathy and can't express it. Some both have empathy and express it in their own ways.

It is important to remain cognizant of the fact that each and every situation for those who are involved in relationships with those with AS is somewhat individually different. There is no blanket statement to be made that every aspie will do this or that or not be able to do this or that relationally.

Asperger's Syndrome is indeed a complication to many aspects of relating generally and specifically in interpersonal relationships for most. I believe that those of us with AS can learn to compensate for that which we don't understand very well. We can learn how to meet our partner's needs, or at the very least how not to stress them more when they are facing emotional turmoil or other life challenges.

To the question posed, "Do Aspies really feel love for others or do they just stay with people who give them a comfort level?" forgive me for sounding like a broken record when I say that it is such an individual thing. There is no lumping us all together generally or when It comes to the ability (or perhaps lack thereof) to relate to a significant other. What it sounds like the aspie described by this poster to the discussion area of this topic is struggling with is lack of