My friends and family were shocked initially that I would make this commitment... again.
To be honest... so am I.
Who me? Marry? The guy who swore he would rather die than remarry? The guy who stopped short of having "Never Again" tattooed on his arm only because of a fear of needles? The guy so cynical on the idea of marriage he would suggest funeral music whenever asked his opinion? The guy who fully believed no marriage lasts more than two years... it just takes some people longer to get divorced?
Yep... that guy.
I can't believe it myself. Why marry you ask? What makes this time different?
Is it that I love her? I do, but no, that's not it. I loved both of my first two wives. Is it that she loves me? No, it helps but I think both of my ex-wives loved me at one time as well. No, I think the real difference for me is that she loves my children. I don't mean she tolerates my children to be with me. I mean she really loves my kids. And while it has taken some time for my children to get over that Here we go again fear of being hurt by another person in a mom costume... they love her back.
I believe that before you start thinking about ringing wedding bells you really need to stop and evaluate how your potential mate feels about your children and you about hers if she has children. I don't care how much you love each other. I don't care how great the sex is. If you have reservations about her children or she about yours the marriage will fail... almost with certainty. Let's face it folks, you can't hide your kids in a closet and you can't expect her to hide hers. Children that are cute and cuddly grow up to be teenagers. You can no more promise her that your children will never have problems than she can promise you that her children will be perfect. No matter how you look at it you are a package deal, both ways.
How can you be sure how she feels about your children? The best advice I have here is time. Don't rush into anything. Over the past couple years my fiancé and I have been through both highs and lows with our children. We have laughed with them. When they have been hurt, we have hurt with them. Together we have rejoiced in their successes and cried over their failures. She has never tried to be a replacement for mom but rather just a friend and resource for them. I have tried to be the same for her children. We both realize that our children will be here the day we marry, and the day after that, and the day after that.
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