In the 1990s there was a famous French commercial – a two-year-old rolling on the floor, screaming and yelling in the middle of a grocery store. His father stands beside him in hopeless frustration and embarrassment and occasionally gets kicked. The purpose of the commercial was to persuade people to buy condoms.
Difficulty and Frustration in Caring for Two-Year-Olds
Millions of parents of charming two-year-olds all over the world can feel the pain of this fictional dad. Indeed, taking care of a two-year-old can be extremely challenging, not to mention exhausting. Around this age, children first recognize themselves as separate individuals. However, their communication skills are not fully developed yet and they are not cognitively mature enough to properly tell right from wrong.
On top of everything around this notorious age the advanced toddlers already have materialistic desires on one hand, but are unable to comprehend the true meaning of property on the other. As a result, temper tantrums, biting and hitting parents and siblings on every occasion, and the constant deafening yelling of "No!" and "Mine!" become part of everyday routine.
This situation is completely nerve wrecking for the parents and the emotional tension often appears unbearable. However, there are a few simple tips that might help parents to cope with this uneasy stage of development.
How Parents Can Deal With a Child's Temper Tantrum
Do make an attempt to stay cool. It is much easier said than done when the situation includes a seemingly ungovernable child and an exhausted and annoyed parent. However, staying calm is necessary. A terrible two is going through a phase that will often be over within a year – a parent who constantly reminds herself/himself that the difficulties are temporary is more likely to have control over his/her emotions and as a result will be more successful in solving the problems that the toddler causes.
Do discipline a child and be firm with him/her when needed. In case the child does something unacceptable make a statement in a most confident way. Mean it. He might not understand all the words yet, but will definitely respond to the strict tone of a parent’s voice. Make sure to ignore all the classic symptoms of a tantrum – crying for no apparent reason, rolling on the floor, foot-stamping, etc. Reasonable disciplining helps a child to develop self-control – an important skill described by Laura Berk, a professor of psychology of the Illinois State University as “a capacity to resist an impulse to engage in socially disapproved behavior” in her book Infants, Children and Adolescents (Allyn and Bacon, 2002).
What Not to Do When a Toddler Throws a Tantrum
Don't show a child any signs of fear, frustration or panic. Although it is perfectly normal to experience all those emotions, demonstrating them will cause chaos. As badly as two-year-olds may behave, they desperately need an adult to be in control. When they sense they have power over their parents, children actually feel extremely frustrated and insecure. Moreover, if a parent appears calm and not so easily affected by the tantrums, the child is much less motivated to throw them.
Don’t forget to catch a child being good and provide him/her with praise and approval. Making sure that the toddler gets attention not only (or mainly) when misbehaving is more than likely to decrease the amount of temper tantrums.
It's normal for two-year-old toddlers to have meltdowns every now and then. However, it's only a phase they go through. Make every attempt not to concentrate on the tantrums. As terrible as they are, two-year-olds generally bring a lot of joy and true happiness to their parents’ lives.
Sources:
Berk, Laura. Infants, Children and Adolescents. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 2002.
Acker, M. and O’Leary, S. "Inconsistency of Mother’s Feedback and Toddler’s Misbehavior and Negative Affect." Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 24: (1996):703-714.
Anna Inger - My name is Anna Inger. I was born and raised in Moscow, Russia, spent most of my life in Israel and for the last few years I've been ...
