Simply giving the "sex talk" doesn’t cut it these days. Young women need to be provided with all of the information available so they can make good, sound decisions in the dating field. To furnish only the basics of sex education doesn’t help a young girl build life-lasting relationship skills. Rather, building upon the minimum will enable her to stay afloat in the stormy sea of dating.
Starting young and welcoming opportunities to discuss sex will lay a foundation that parents can build upon through the years. By offering continuity during childhood and into adolescence, parents can provide a safe, informative environment where children will feel comfortable asking questions that will provide a frank and honest answer.
Sex Education
Sex education is brought to adolescents through various methods; parents, teachers, healthcare providers and peers. School-based sex education will offer the essential information of anatomy and discuss the changes that happen during puberty. Although, that is where it ends for most sex curriculums, leaving young people to discover for themselves the sometimes difficult dynamics of adolescent and adult relationships.
Although, self-discovery is an important part of the dating process, young women can be empowered by giving them the knowledge of the mysteries least talked about.
In an online article entitled "Teen Violence" published on Avert.org, sex education consultant, Simon Forrest states that "Effective sex education also provides young people with an opportunity to explore the reasons why people have sex, and to think about how it involves emotions, respect for oneself and other people and their feelings, decisions and bodies."
Whether educators simply skip over the ethics of sex, which could counteract serious dating and relationship blunders, or they deem it as a rite of passage, parents still have an obligation to fill in the blanks to empower and protect their daughters.
How Women Bond
Generally speaking, men bond through conversation. Women bond through sex and conversation. It is important that teen girls understand the physiology behind falling in love during sex. Oxytocin is a hormone in both genders that is released during sex. A woman’s body becomes inundated with this hormone, leading to a higher level of emotion, where as a man’s levels of the hormone remain relatively the same.
Susan Kuchinskas, author of Love Chemistry: How Oxytocin Lets us Trust, Love and Mate (Amacom Books, 2009), explain her findings in a study of Oxytocin:
"Oxytocin seems to have been ‘designed’ by nature to make a man and woman feel bonded after sex, so they would stay together and raise children," she says. "Today, the physiology of men and women still plays out according to this pattern. But estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to mute them. That's why women tend to feel more attached after sex than men do."
The fact that most men (not all) do not bond through sex, can be a disappointment for women who overly romanticize about love. Although, understanding that sex does not equal love, is a valuable piece of information to use when deciding to engage in sex for the first time in any relationship. Gaining a commitment first and making him an accountable and responsible partner in the union adds value and leads to intimacy in the relationship and doesn’t leave a young woman wondering why he doesn’t call back.
It is Still a Man’s World
Like it or not, its still a war between the sexes and women are still falling short. Young girls should be taught to demand respect or move on. Lingering in a relationship that is not valued by both partners can be hurtful and even dangerous.
Parents of young women should be talking to their daughters about teen dating abuse and violence. Instruct them on the warning signs according to the website acadv.org and beware of a man who:
- Has mood swings
- Threatens violence
- Isolates the teenage girl from family and friends
- Uses force during an argument
- Verbally abuses the teen
It is important that young girls understand what is expected of them and what is appropriate and not appropriate for their dating age. Simply telling a teenager not to have sex will not prevent it from happening. Rather, explain the physical, emotional and social consequences of engaging in sexual activity, empowering them to make sound relationship choices.
Sources:
Acadv.org. "Teen Violence"(accessed February 3, 2010).
Savymiss.com. "Why Women Feel More Attached After Sex Than Men" (accessed February 3, 2010).
Dianne Gloeckner - Dianne Gloeckner is a contributing writer to Suite 101. Dianne looks forward to writing on a variety of subjects especially animal rights ...
