Emotional intelligence may be defined as self awareness, the awareness of others and their needs - and the demonstration of appropriate sensitivity. The emotionally intelligent helper will have distinct qualities. These are highlighted below.
Self- Aware: In Tune with Their Personal Rhythms
Being in tune with personal rhythms involves being aware of their own moods, feelings, energy levels and unique ‘pressure points’. This individual is also mindful of the effects these can have on other people, for good or bad. Others may be inhibited in communicating with a person who appears to be unreceptive to their emotions.
Having Appropriate Self-Control
Although aware of the full range of emotions that are being experienced, the helper will not be at the mercy of any of them. Emotions can be identified, and then kept in check. The expression and intensity of the emotions remain under control. As a result of this, the individual will not flare up when feeling annoyed or provoked. Similarly, emotionally intelligent people will not dump their anxieties on others, nor will they stay depressed or sulk for periods of time.
Aware of Cues from Others
An emotionally intelligent person attends very carefully to cues — both verbal and non-verbal — from others. This will enable a better understanding of the messages that the person is sending, either deliberately or not. In addition to reading these cues well, it is also appropriate to demonstrate concern and empathy with others.
Using Emotional Intelligence in All Interactions
Emotionally intelligent people bring their skills to all relationships, including those with managers, colleagues and friends. The overall impression given by these individuals is a reputation for being amenable, considerate, friendly and competent.
According to Daniel Goleman, in his ground-breaking book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (1996), “Setting the emotional tone of an interaction is, in a sense, a sign of dominance at a deep and intimate level.” Thus, emotional intelligence can result in driving the emotional state of another person. In the same way, a good speaker can drive the emotions of an audience. The effects of this can be seen when an influential politician or popular evangelist is speaking.
Those with emotional intelligence are often sought out for guidance. Their ability to absorb relational cues can be used to maximize the potency and productivity of the relationship.
The principles that underpin emotional intelligence are now acknowledged to be very important in the understanding of interpersonal skills, behaviours and human potential. For counselors and other professionals whose roles include teamwork, staff development and mentoring, a sound knowledge of the basics of emotional intelligence is invaluable.
Iona K Lister - Based in the United Kingdom, I have written four published books and hundreds of articles. Subjects cover a wide range – including ...
