For many people diagnosed with genital herpes, continuing or becoming involved in a sexual relationship can be a daunting prospect.
If a person has caught the herpes virus from a current partner, they may find it hard to trust that person again. On the other hand, a person who is looking to begin having sexual intercourse with a new partner, may be scared of disclosing that they have the virus, for fear of being exposed to stigma and discrimination.
Whatever the case may be, it is important that people with herpes remember that they are entitled to be part of a loving relationship as much as any other person. Speaking openly about the herpes virus with partners will help to ensure that both parties feel they are in an open, trusting relationship.
Talking About Herpes with an Existing PartnerIt is common to feel anger and distrust toward the person responsible for transmission of the HSV virus. However, it is possible for herpes virus carriers to be unaware that they are infected, or are at-risk of infecting others, as 20 per cent of people who have been exposed to the virus will never develop symptoms.
When speaking with a partner responsible for transmitting infection, assume innocence and approach the conversation with an open mind. Prepare for the conversation by becoming familiar with some herpes facts and statistics and suggest that partners undergoing testing for herpes and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
If a partner has knowingly passed on the herpes virus, it is reasonable to reconsider whether the relationship is one based on mutual trust and respect.
Talking About Herpes with a New or Potential Partner
It is important that people living with genital herpes advise all sexual partners of their infection before partaking in intimacy. While genital herpes is most often transmitted during sexual intercourse, it may also be spread through other forms of skin-to-skin contact and can infect any part of the body including the hands, mouth anus and legs.
When speaking about herpes with a new partner, approach the topic calmly and confidently. Again, be prepared with some facts about HSV and state that it is possible to reduce the risk of infection by practising safer sex.
It is not necessary to tell a new person about a herpes infection until both parties are ready to become sexually active. Genital herpes can not be spread through kissing, cuddling or being intimate in other ways, so get to know and trust a person before breaking the news to them.
Genital Herpes and Sexual Intimacy
HSV does not spell the end of a healthy sex life and provided couples practise safer sex, herpes will rule out very little in the bedroom.
The number one rule for preventing the spread of herpes to sexual partners is to not have sex during a herpes outbreak. Fortunately, the rate of outbreaks, and the subsequent risk of transmitting infection, may be significantly reduced by taking daily or "suppressive" antiviral medication.
Consistent use of condoms or other barriers will also greatly reduce the risk of transmitting the herpes virus to a partner. Remember that herpes can be spread by all skin-to-skin contact with infected sites, so avoiding oral sex and carefully sterilising sex toys after each use will help to stop the virus in its tracks.
Some people recommend wearing rubber gloves during foreplay to further reduce the risk of transmission from sexual fondling.
Dating Other People Living with Genital HerpesMany people with genital herpes would prefer to be intimate with other herpes positive people. Since herpes is quite common in adults – the virus affects one in eight Australians, one in five Americans and one in four people from the UK – finding a partner may not be as hard as it sounds.
There are many online dating sites dedicated to herpes-positive singles, including PositiveSingles.com and Mate1.com.
While a herpes diagnosis can be a big shock, it is important that people living with HSV do not let the virus keep them from living life as they had before infection. Being informed about the herpes virus and speaking openly and honestly with partners about safe sex will help to establish and maintain a trusting and respectful relationship.
Sarah Mathiesen - Sarah Mathiesen is the director of Harshmellow Media + Design, a public relations and marketing agency based in Townsville, ...
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