Heal Yourself with Forgiveness

How to Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes

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Heal Yourself with Forgiveness - THEPALMER
Heal Yourself with Forgiveness - THEPALMER
Blaming yourself for mistakes doesn't help and only causes more pain. When you learn how to forgive yourself for past mistakes you free yourself so you can move forward.

Who hasn't said something that stung another, done something that made you cringe, or chose inaction in a case where action would have made a world of difference? No one can get through life without making mistakes, and one of the best ways to grow and evolve is by learning from mistakes. So why hold onto the painful past, when you can heal yourself with forgiveness?

How to Forgive YourselfThere are three important steps to follow in order to heal yourself with forgiveness: accepting yourself and the situation, having compassion, and understanding why the situation occurred so you can learn and grow.

  1. Acceptance. Accepting what happened from a state of neutrality instead of judgment is essential. Healing can't happen from a place of resistance. Acceptance doesn't mean condoning what happened, it just means acknowledging what happened outside of a right/wrong or good/bad dichotomy. Self-acceptance is also important. Notice what it feels like to accept yourself. Now add on to that by saying: Even though I made this mistake, I accept myself. Let that feeling of acceptance flow through your body.
  2. Compassion. To heal yourself with forgiveness it's important to have compassion. Look at the big picture of life to see how someone else in the same situation might have done the same thing. See how childhood wounds contributed, how your skill set and self-awareness at the time factored in, and how the surrounding circumstances played a role. Know that you did the best possible at the time.
  3. Understanding. In order to forgive yourself for past mistakes it helps to understand why things happened the way they did. Sometimes mistakes happen for the sole purpose of learning and growth. Make a list of the lessons and benefits that arose from past mistakes – what were the self discoveries, what strengthened, what softened, how are you a better person today because of what happened?

Experience Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn't just an action, it's a feeling or a state of being, the way peacefulness is a feeling state. Being in the state of true forgiveness is very healing as it supports the release of judgments, blame and anything that doesn't support your highest good.

Try this exercise as a way to tune into forgiveness. Close your eyes and relax by taking a few deep breaths until you feel calm and peaceful. Then imagine a bouquet of beautiful soft pink roses out in front of you that are filled with the energy of forgiveness. Look at that energy of forgiveness in the roses and let your body match that feeling. Feel it flow through your whole body, down into the cells. Let go into it and release any un-forgiveness you've been holding onto.

Heal Yourself with Forgiveness

Acceptance, compassion and understanding are all aspects of forgiveness. It's possible to heal any situation by being accepting, compassionate and understanding with self and others. Forgiveness releases blame, judgment, and resentment, which supports healing and freedom.

Gini Grey, Bruce Steele Photography

Gini Grey - Gini Grey is the author of the book From Chaos to Calm, the CD Create What You Want, and audio courses on Spiritual Energy Awareness.

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Comments

Jul 29, 2009 8:01 AM
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen :
I also find that forgiveness -- of both self and other -- is a process. That is, I have to keep forgiving myself for some mistakes I've made. It's not a one-time thing! Eventually, though, I begin to feel I've let go of my guilt or self-blame, but it can take a long time.

I don't have kids, but I think parents have the biggest job of forgiving themselves for all sorts of big and little mistakes.

Thanks for this article, Gini. It's so important.
Jan 24, 2010 9:11 PM
Guest :
This article helped me significantly, dearly.
Thank you very very much
Jan 25, 2010 1:01 PM
Gini Grey :
I'm so glad this article helped - thanks for sharing and may forgiveness continue to bloom in your heart.
Gini
Jan 29, 2010 11:18 PM
Guest :
Hi Gini,
I just want you to know that just the fact that someone would take the time to write an article on this subject proves there is true compassion in the world.
I don't know how, but this somehow really made me feel better regarding the guilt I'm having such a hard time letting go of.
Thank You
Jan 30, 2010 11:49 AM
Gini Grey :
There is compassion out there in the world and it starts with us being compassionate towards ourselves and those in our lives. I'm so glad this article helped you to feel better - may you release any remaining guilt from your consciousness - it doesn't serve you or the world to carry it around.
It touches me to read comments such as yours - thanks for commenting.

Gini
Mar 16, 2010 2:18 AM
Guest :
I felt rather emotional after reading this article. I had tears in my eyes and realize I need to exercise this advice. There's a lot of hurt in my past.
Thank you Gini for opening my heart. For offering this advice for free too. One chap was offering $27 for his advice!!
xoxo
Mar 16, 2010 2:48 PM
Gini Grey :
I'm heart warmed knowing this article touched you on a deep level. May your heart continue to open and your wounds heal completely. Helping others heal is healing for me.
Gini
Mar 23, 2010 6:00 PM
Guest :
Thank you for the visualization. It really helped to identify how forgiveness "feels".
Jun 24, 2010 2:59 PM
Guest :
fabulous article
Jul 8, 2010 7:57 PM
Guest :
I have one mistake in particular that I made as a teenager, and even though I know that this is a time where we make most of our mistakes, and that they help us grow, it was one that I have never been able to easily forgive myself for. It has made me have self esteem issues as I grew into an adult, and felt I needed to be miserable because I was so ashamed about my past actions. This article has made me realise ever more that I need to forgive myself in order to be happy and stop being ashamed. The path to setting myself free may take longer then I want, but its one path Im willing to learn no matter how long it may take.
Kristin.
Jul 9, 2010 2:54 PM
Gini Grey :
So glad to hear you are staying on a path to forgive yourself - no matter how long it takes. Know deep in your heart that you are already forgiven.
Aug 26, 2010 12:25 PM
Guest :
I have GREAT difficulty to forgive myself. I fell in love with a man while he was married. We were friends before and I knew how unhappy he was. I was one of the few people knowing about. for years he felt compelled to stay because of his son. I told him to go to couple's therapy and try all he could to save his marriage. They did go but while in therapy he realized it wouldn't work. His divorce is being now finalized and we have been in a relationship. However I feel guilty for loving him. Is like if I cannot find happiness because of these guilt feelings even though I love him dearly. Even if it seems weird I care for her. On whether she is ok or not.
Aug 26, 2010 2:11 PM
Gini Grey :
It sounds like you have a big heart and that's why you care about your lover/partner's ex-wife. Is it possible to care for her, love him and have compassion for yourself and the whole situation. On a bigger picture note, if your partner was not happy in the marriage and did what he could to salvage it, perhaps they were meant to move on without each other and you helped to spur that on. People come together in relationship for a purpose and when that's done, it's time to move on (perhaps bringing the son into the world was their purpose). The ex-wife will heal and grow as a result of the marriage and divorce (as we all have the opportunity to heal, learn and expand from struggle and pain - sometimes it's our best learning opportunities).

As you release the self-blame, guilt and pain it is my belief that you will open up an even larger space in your heart for love which will have a positive effect in your life, your partner's, his son's, the ex-wife's and the rest of the world - how could it not?

Breathe into it,

Gini
Sep 5, 2010 3:40 PM
Guest :
thank u for this article .. i made a terrible mistake in the past but i am trying to forgive my self and i will remember your words
i feel that its so hard to forgive my self but i know i will get over it
Sep 7, 2010 3:29 PM
Gini Grey :
Remember that so many of us have done things we regret or feel terrible about doing - yet it is these things that grow our compassion and make us better human beings over time!
Mar 24, 2011 8:58 AM
Guest :
I thinks this is an excellent article, I constance suffer from self-blame , and carry overhelming guilt for some that I said or advice that i have gave. I always do it with the up-most respect and kindness. I am a complete people pleaser, especially if I care about you. I just have a hard time forgiven myself for any little mistake, I really would want to let go of this burden.
Thank you for such great article
Apr 24, 2011 6:49 PM
Guest :
Very nice :) ! I liked the exercise a lot! Thank you, very helpfull!
Apr 24, 2011 6:51 PM
Guest :
Very helpfull article. Thank you very much!
Aug 21, 2011 3:11 PM
Guest :
I am currently struggling with many things in life and forgiving myself is something that I am finding very hard to do. I understand I need to forgive myself but I can't seem t get any further in the process.
I am 21 years old and have made so many mistakes with past relationships, I've cheated and hurt many people. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and fell in love with our best friend. My ex is trying to win me back but my friendship with my best friend had become more than just a friendship. We have very strong feelings for one another, we make each other so happy and just generally are good together. But the guilt is killing me for feeling like this especially as I know how awful my ex feels as he sees how happy me and my friend are. My relationship with my ex was very up and down, I cheated on him and he forgave me, I never forgave myself though. I don't know why I do it. My ex doesnt know that is went beyond friendship. I am just very confused at the moment and I know I have been a bad person, I don't try to be and I don't want to be. I just seem to ruin things all the time. I want to change, I want to be happy and I want to move on.
Sep 13, 2011 5:28 AM
Guest :
This is a really nice article. There is not anything wrong with being nice to yourself and forgiving.
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