Infertility is an awkward subject for many people. Those who are currently struggling may feel frustration and embarrassment, and it can be difficult as well for people who have not faced this problem to know what to say to loved ones who are having a difficult time.
How to Help Friends and Family Deal With Infertility
Leave it up to the individual or couple how comfortable they are discussing the topic. Some women want to talk about the situation and their struggles often, while others prefer to be more private about the matter. Whichever way the person leans as far as comfort level on this topic, respect it.
If the loved one knows and shares what the problem is as far as conceiving, such as not ovulating, poor egg quality, or low sperm count, do a little research on the topic. There are magazines and books and websites dedicated to infertility issues, and having a working knowledge of what terms mean and what treatments are available can make communicating about the topic a bit easier.
Don’t treat the person in question as fragile. Infertility is difficult enough without also feeling like the object of pity. There is no need to never speak of babies or pregnancy, although if it seems hard on the person, there is also no need to dwell on these topics extensively.
What Not to Say to People Struggling With Fertility Issues
Often, people mean well when they say certain things to couples trying to get pregnant, without realizing how much the words can sting. Avoid platitudes such as, "Maybe you just need to relax," or "You have plenty of time, no need to worry," or "God will know when it’s time to start a family." Although well meaning, these phrases can make a person think their feelings are not being validated, and are often no comfort at all.
Although it’s helpful to be informed of the situation and options, don’t push advice on others about the best way to proceed with this problem. The decisions on infertility treatment, if any, need to be decided between the couple and their doctor. Each situation is different and what will work best for everyone is different.
Infertility is a personal matter, and should not be discussed with others without a loved ones permission. Even if one knows several people with fertility issues, they will not appreciate having their situation discussed with each other without their knowledge. Respect the privacy of others.
Refrain from comparisons, particularly in regards to how easy it was for someone else to become pregnant. A woman who has been trying desperately to get pregnant for years doesn’t want to hear about someone else who gets pregnant every time her husband looks at her.
Infertility is very difficult, and family and friends can either be an asset or a detriment in dealing with it. Being available to listen, becoming informed, and using discretion can all make coping with infertility easier on a loved one.
Kathy Gleason - Kathy Gleason is a wife, mother and writer living in rural northern New Jersey. She is a graduate of The Institute for Therapeutic Massage ...
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