Empathy is a learned skill that develops through continuous practice. Some people are naturally empathetic. They could easily feel the pain of others and put themselves in others’ shoes. But to most, empathy is a challenge.
Factors for Lack of Empathy
One factor for the lack of empathy is if one's parents did not encourage the expression of their feelings while growing up. Or, it could be that one's role models disliked showing intense emotion or denied its very existence. For those who were raised in homes where a show of emotions was not encouraged, it is not surprising that feelings are a mystery to them later as they become adults.
Ways to Develop Empathy
Fortunately, empathy is a learned skill. One way to do this would be to try to imagine another person’s plight. It is not possible to actually feel someone else's pain completely. For instance, if a person gets sick with cancer, one cannot fully understand him especially if you has never experienced cancer, but it is important to convey some feelings of understanding to the person.
Learning empathy requires that you understands and feels someone else’s pain. A little self-examination is a good start. Self-awareness will help one determine how to interact with others. For instance, if a friend is undergoing divorce problems and you are against divorce, it would be good to set aside biases in order to reach out to your friend effectively. An aspect of self-awareness is knowing one's personal biases, values, desires and concerns.
Be sincere. This means to really care about what happens to the other person. This doesn’t mean that you have to approve of everything they do or even have to force yourself to like them, you just have to sincerely accept them as fellow humans who are struggling just like you. If you show this genuineness, people could sense it and respond accordingly. People will assume that you truly care and will accept your efforts.
Always remember that no matter how rude or irritating the other person is, be grateful that you are not in their shoes. It is always worse to be the one beset by problems. That is why you need to be empathetic to others who are less fortunate than you or who are facing personal crises. Understand that they are doing the best they can given the circumstances. Understand their fears and coping skills.
Be helpful and learn to listen. Let the person know you are actually giving them extra attention. Encourage the person to voice their feelings. It is not enough to say “you’ll do fine” but tell them “you seem upset.” This will help the person identify his feelings at that moment and cope in the process.
Other important ways to learn empathy would be to deepen your understanding of the intention of the other person. Respond to challenging situations without losing connection with others. Develop ease in being present to another person's pain without a desire to judge, blame or fix. Learn to express your own feelings and needs without sacrificing the integrity of your position and remaining honest.
Gwendolyn Cuizon - Gwendolyn Cuizon is a seasoned freelance writer and a published book author. She holds a degree in BSC-Accounting. Her penchant to acquire ...
