So, you're going off to college, and your high school girlfriend or boyfriend is going somewhere else. Is your relationship doomed? Maybe, but maybe not. It's true that many high school romances don't survive when they turn into long distance relationships. Many only make it a few months and fall victim to the Thanksgiving dump. However, this isn't always the case.
If you're trying to make a long distance relationship work, here are some tips to help you out.
Communicating Relationship Needs and Expectations
In order to make any long distance relationship work, you're going to have communicate very openly and honestly with each other about what you expect from each other. Compromise may be necessary.
One of the most important and difficult questions is this: can we date other people? Of course, this question is even harder if you're sexually active. Dating other people can make it very difficult to keep a relationship alive, so don't make this decision lightly.
Another issue that's also difficult is this: how often are we going to visit each other? This can be complicated if you go to schools that are far apart, and perhaps even more complicated if your schools are nearby and there are plenty of chances to see each other. Sit down and talk honestly about how much you want to see each other during the school year, and try to map out a tentative schedule of visits. Be mindful of the fact that college is a busy time, and you'll have to respect cancellations if your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to study for a big exam.
Related to this, you'll have to answer the question: how often will we communicate with one another? Thanks to the Internet and relatively inexpensive cell phone plans, you have the option to communicate with each other frequently -- and this can really help a long distance couple feel connected. However, if one of you has the expectation of daily, hour-long cell phone conversations, and the other just expects a daily email and a weekly phone call, you may have problems. Discuss up front how often you want to communicate.
Relationship Balance
One of the most difficult challenges couples face when they go to different colleges -- or even if they go to the same college -- is balancing their old relationship and interests with their new interests. When students go off to college, they make new friends, develop new interests, and change. People back home might not feel comfortable with these changes, including your parents, old friends, and especially boyfriends and girlfriends.
One pitfall students fall into is to avoid getting too involved in their new school because they are so involved in their old relationships. This is especially true if home, and the old relationship, isn't far away. Sadly, this is a good way of missing out on all that college has to offer. Furthermore, if your relationship fails, you won't have a support network and fun activities to fall back on at your school.
One thing that couples can do is to try to integrate the other somewhat into their new lives. For example, if your schools are close by, you can visit each other's campuses on alternating weekends and get to know each other's new friends. You can also talk to one another about new activities and classes that have sparked your interest on campus.
Putting a Relationship on Hold
Some students choose to forgo the long distance relationship altogether. They either break up or put their relationship "on hold" during college. Sometimes, this is for the best, especially if your relationship isn't serious. However, if you think you have a chance to stay together, it may be worth your while to give it a try. Sometimes, people really do meet the love of their life during high school. Yes, it's difficult to maintain a long term relationship with your high school sweetheart -- but it's not impossible.
Naomi Rockler-Gladen - Instructional designer and freelance writer, Naomi Rockler-Gladen writes some of Suite101's most read work.
