Most psychologists will agree that jealousy is one of the most common human emotions directly related to relationships between people. Dr. Henry Gordon, a contributing author to Dr Raj Persaud's The Mind: A User's Guide, even claims that if someone "has no feelings of jealousy at all, then [they] lack commitment to the relationship."
Jealousy can occur in all kinds of relationship:
- friendship
- heterosexual partnership
- homosexual partnership
- relationships between parents and children
- relationships between siblings
- relationships between other family members.
Often jealousy is rooted in feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity, and so will affect people to varying degrees dependent on their levels of self-esteem and confidence.
As with many emotions, jealousy is not usually too much of a problem - indeed, it can help to preserve relationships, according to Dr Gordon – but in some cases, jealousy becomes excessive and starts to distort thinking, at which point it stops being protective and becomes destructive. This kind of jealousy is abnormal - what psychiatrists call morbid jealousy, and this can, in some severe cases, result in violence and even death.
Jealousy as a Normal Human Emotion
There is, of course, a big difference between normal and abnormal jealousy, although even experts will argue over the exact point that jealousy becomes morbid. As a general rule, however, normal jealousy might be defined as the natural jealousy that someone might feel if:
- their husband/ wife/ partner went off with someone else
- they were abandoned by a friend in favor of someone else
- if one child in a family seemed to be getting more love and attention than the others.
Feelings of jealousy can be very painful - but in cases of normal jealousy, people will adjust to the new situations in their lives that have prompted the feelings of jealousy, and get on with their lives.
When Jealousy Gets Out of HandMorbid jealousy comes in two forms - obsessional jealousy and delusional (psychotic) jealousy.
With obsessional jealousy, a person will have repeated, strong thoughts that their partner is being unfaithful. Although deep down they might not believe these thoughts, they cannot stop thinking them, and these thoughts can soon become both distressing and destructive. Relationships often break down because of obsessional jealousy.
Psychotic jealousy is more extreme and damaging than obsessional jealousy. People suffering from psychotic jealousy will be totally convinced that their partner is cheating on them – unlike obsessional jealousy, there will be no doubts in their mind. They are also likely to believe that there is evidence of their partner's infidelity, even though the evidence doesn't exist.
Dangerous and damaging behaviours associated with psychotic jealousy include:
- following their partner
- paying someone to follow their partner
- misinterpreting normal events as signs of cheating
- confronting their partner and accusing them of having an affair
- becoming violent towards their partner
- becoming violent towards the person they think is involved with their partner.
Psychotic jealousy is less common than obsessional jealousy and can be caused by other conditions, such as schizophrenia, depression, substance abuse, dementia, and sexual dysfunction.
Treating Morbid JealousySince morbid jealousy disrupts the way people think, it can have considerable negative effects on their quality of life. However, because morbid jealousy is recognised as a disorder of the mind, there are treatments available.
So-called "talking treatments" such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are more commonly used to treat morbid jealousy. CBT helps people to change the way they think and what they do, making their problems more bearable.
Medication may also be used to treat morbid jealousy. For the obsessional type, antidepressants are helpful; for the psychotic type, anti-psychotics (drugs used to treat schizophrenia and other psychoses) may be necessary.
Self-help approaches can also be helpful. Tanya Klein has written a useful article on how to reduce jealous behaviour in a relationship.
Advice for Friends and Family of Morbid Jealousy Sufferers
It can be very difficult for the friends and family of someone suffering from morbid jealousy. It is important to remember that morbid jealousy is a disorder of the mind that can be helped by treatment - but it is equally important to remember that there is a risk of the person becoming violent.
People suffering from morbid jealousy can be helped, but often they will reject help, or deny that they even need it. Although they should be encouraged to get help, they may become angry at the suggestion. Bearing in mind that people with morbid jealousy can become violent, friends and family should be cautious. If they do become violent, then it is advisable to contact the police. In such situations, people suffering from morbid jealousy, particularly the psychotic sub-type, may be forced to have treatment under Mental Health legislation.
Jealousy Can Be More Than a Normal Emotion
Since jealousy is seen as such a common human emotion, people often don't realise that in its extreme forms, jealousy is actually a disorder of the mind. Differentiating between normal and abnormal jealousy can sometimes be difficult, but as a general rule, normal jealousy can help to preserve relationships, whereas abnormal jealousy is destructive and often results in violence.
Abnormal jealousy is common, and it can be treated, but all too often, the person suffering from morbid jealousy will refuse help, in which case they may be forced to receive treatment under mental health laws.
Sources:
Persuad, Dr Raj (2007), The Mind: A User's Guide, London, Bantam Press.
KSC101
Martine Daniel - Hi There! I've always loved writing, and I was delighted in March 2009 when my first novel, The Fire in Your Eyes, was published, ...
Join the Conversation