Emotional abuse is one of the most widely under-reported abuses in North America today. Victims of emotional abuse are threatened within an inch of their life when they try to believe that the life they are experiencing is wrong. Many victims of emotional abuse do not feel they even have a right to identify themselves as victims, or their abuser as just that – an abuser.
Many women will find themselves in a broken situation for many years before they even realize that what is happening to them is wrong. But every victim has a threshold, and many cases of emotional abuse involve that one moment where the victim wakes up one day and says “this is enough.”
Emotional Abuse is More Damaging Than Physical Abuse
If you or someone you love is being emotionally abused, recognizing the key signs of emotional abuse is the first and most important step. Once you realize this, you can compare those signs with the profile of an abuser, and take the measures you need to relieve you or someone else from this situation.
Believe it or not, though every person IS different, the mind of the abuser is very similar all across the board.
Emotional abuse is psychological abuse, and is much more damaging than a broken arm or a concussion from physical violence. The scars from emotional abuse take years to heal, and in some cases they never heal completely.
As soon as emotional abuse is suspected, the victim should seek help immediately. No victim is alone when it comes to emotional abuse, regardless of anything the abuser might have to say on that matter.
What Does Emotional Abuse Look Like Behind Closed Doors?
The abuser in an emotionally abusive situation is talented in creating an image for the public eye that contradicts what happens behind closed doors. These abusers are among the most charming people you will meet, and by all looks and accounts are considered loving and supportive partners and spouses.
When the door closes however, extreme measures are used to control and manipulate every aspect of the victim’s life. The abuser is a controlling personality who bullies their victims into a sense of helplessness with a profound fear that escape from this situation will bring dire consequences.
Some research has indicated that emotional abuse over an extended period can lead to a situation known as Stockholm Syndrome. When this happens, the victim understands that what is happening to them is wrong, but have been convinced by their abuser that despite their unhappiness, the abuser really isn’t “that bad”, and this leads the abuse to escalate.
Since emotional abuse is psychological abuse, and is intended to be psychological abuse, this makes it very easy to profile the abuser from a psychological perspective. The abuser comes from a profile that presents very typical behavior patterns from one abuser to the next, no matter how different they may be as individuals.
Emotional abuse starts small in the early stages of a relationship, where the abuser will test limits and boundaries until it reaches a point where every aspect of the victim’s life is controlled, manipulated, and threatened. The victim does not see this from an objective standpoint, and is taught by their abuser that this is acceptable behaviour.
Victims are made to feel that should they complain about their way of life, they must have something to hide, or must not be able to be trusted.
All of these examples of abuse serve the abusers purpose, to strip the victim of any self-worth and to create an environment where powerlessness prevails, as this is the only way the abuser can continue.
Profile of an Emotional Abuser
Psychological research has indicated that the emotional abuser has very little “A”ffect, meaning, they have an inability to feel empathy for other human beings. They only express sorrow when they are “caught” and even then will only express sorrow for their actions, not for what their victim may be experiencing.
In The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, the authors correlate the profile of an abuser with the Cluster B personality disorders such as Anti-Social Personality, Borderline Personality, and Narcissistic Personality.
Key markers of these personality disorders that coincide with an abuser’s profile include the following:
- Harmful to animals – even one episode of harming animals provides a history of harmful to animals.
- A history of pyromania, arson, or fire setting -- again, even one incident warrants a history.
- Sexual abuse – victim feels they must “perform” on command. This is a quieter form of rape that many victims can not acknowledge due to the extensive control they are experiencing.
- Abuser on the outside is a very charming individual, but most of their self perceptions are grandiose delusions – often many will consider this to be an arrogant or cocky person.
- Abuser will require excessive admiration from their victim, coinciding with markers in Narcissistic Personality Disorder,
- Extreme sense of entitlement.
- Lack of remorse, justification is always provided for any wrongs. Only when the victim threatens to leave does a false sense of sincere remorse come in. This is a case where a person is sorry they were caught; not sorry for what they've done.
- Threatens suicide as a manipulation tactic if the victim threatens or attempts to leave
- A history of broken relationships – in many cases the abuser will have many relationships where the woman has left him, consistent with the Borderline Personality
- Will easily violate the rights of their victims with no remorse, but instead will consistently provide justifications for doing so.
In almost every case of emotional abuse, the abuser has a personality that is consistent with many of the Axis II personality disorders. These disorders display characteristics that involve grandiose delusions and a self inflated sense of importance which are critical behaviors for an abuser to have in order to maintain strict and severe control over their victim. The abuser in emotional abuse also needs to have a very low affect and low sense of empathy so that they do not have remorse for the abuse and actions they are inflicting on their victim. All of these qualities are characteristics found on the Axis II disorders in the DSM-IV.
Emotional abuse is common enough that almost everyone knows someone who is engaging in this behaviour, but they simply do not know as secrecy and hiding what goes on behind closed doors are very important characteristics of the abuser. Even more so, this abuse is most common with men that are educated and know precisely how to "toe the line" to ensure they do not break the law or get caught for the behaviors they inflict on their victims. These are charming well educated men that know exactly what needs to be done to ensure they can maintain control, manipulation, and scare tactics on their victims.
Sources:
Champagne, Cheryl (1999). Wearing Her Down: Understanding and Responding to Emotional Abuse. Education Wife Assault, Toronto, ON.
Golant, Susan K. & Dutton, Donald G. (1997). The Batterer: A Psychological Profile. Basic Books.
Christine Beswick - Christine is in the business of HOPE, ask her how! Psychology, Education, Writing. These are her clear passions. Christine offers HOPE by ...
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