According to a November 2003 report released by the Center for the Advancement of Health and supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, children are the targets of bullying about once every three to six minutes from the start of kindergarten to the end of first grade,
While both girls and boys are known to engage in aggressive behavior, it’s females who are far more likely to act out through rumors, gossip and social exclusion. As the Youth & Family Resource Center, Inc. points out, girls purposefully ignore or exclude other girls, spread rumors and tell peers not to associate with another girl as a means of retaliation. It’s the young ladies who use their relationships to inflict harm, manipulate peers and hurt others’ feelings, making them feel like they are not accepted. Relational aggression creates a social environment that affects a girl’s ability to learn and grow.
Bullying by the Numbers
The National Association of School Psychologists finds that relational aggression tends to be most intense and apparent among girls in fifth through eighth grade but as Jenn Director Knudsen points out in her article, “Relational Aggression: Helping the Young Victims of Emotional Bullying,” relational aggression can start as early as preschool, with children as young as four years old capable of harming a peer from a power position.
At a time when teenage cyber-bullying is making headlines, parents fear that the onset of bullying behavior is trickling down, as described in Pamela Paul’s October 2010 article, " The Playground Gets Tougher." Paul reports that according to a new Harris survey of 1,144 parents nationwide, 67 percent of parents of 3- to 7-year-olds worry that their children will be bullied; parents of preschoolers and grade-school-age children are significantly more likely to worry than parents of teenagers.
Paul goes on to cite a recent survey of 273 third graders in Massachusetts which found that 47 percent have been bullied at least once; 52 percent reported being called mean names, being made fun of or teased in a hurtful way; and 51 percent reported being left out of things on purpose, excluded from their group of friends or completely ignored at least once in the past couple of months.
Relational or social aggression can take many forms, from name-calling and rumor-spreading to secret pacts and vicious verbal attacks. This type of behavior often continues, although perhaps to a somewhat lesser degree, in high school. Although most common during the school day, relational aggression can occur in other settings such as the neighborhood or community activities.
Social scientists believe there may be heightened awareness among hyper-parents, ever attuned to their children’s feelings but others believe the “trend” is gaining more attention because relational aggression wasn’t a focus of academic research until the mid-1990s, making longitudinal study a bit premature.
Putting a Stop to Bullying
It may be that parents are just paying closer attention now — hovering and interfering with what would otherwise be worked out between kids on the playground, but most would agree that the nation’s youth are exposed to so many more messages of hate, disapproval and issues of black or white that their brains are on overdrive and they are unable to process the differences between television and reality. That’s why parental involvement is crucial in stemming the tide of emotional bullying.
Adult support is typically needed to address relational aggression. Girls are seldom willing to stand up for themselves out of fear of further harassment and isolation. Adults can help prevent victimization by encouraging activities that counteract the impact of and opportunity for bullying.
Kids are copycats, so one powerful tool a parent can use to curb bullying and teach empathy is modeling. For example, kids overhear their parents gossiping to other adults and might turn speaking poorly of a friend or relative into a bullying tactic on the playground at school.
Pamela Paul is right when she writes that mean-girl behavior, typically referred to by professionals as relational or social aggression and by terrified parents as bullying, has existed for as long as there have been ponytails to pull and notes to pass, or texts to send in today’s society. Parents don’t have to stand by and watch as their young daughters suffer in agony, though.
Life is hard enough without having to be afraid of wearing the wrong outfit, liking an “uncool” television show or befriending an outcast. By listening to one’s children and watching for warning signs of relational aggression, Mom and Dad have it within their power to stop the flow of bullies and help preserve the innocence of girls for a little while longer.
Sources:
Hopehouseonline.org. “Relational Aggression” (accessed on October 20, 2010).
Preschoolerstoday.com. “Relational Aggression: Helping the Young Victims of Emotional Bullying” (accessed on October 20, 2010).
Teachersandfamilies.com. “Girls Bullying Girls, An Introduction to Relational Aggression” (accessed on October 20, 2010).
NYTimes.com. “The Playground Gets Even Tougher” (accessed on October 20, 2010).
Blogs.babble.com/strollerderby. “Does Bullying Start in Preschool?” (accessed on October 20, 2010).
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