Single moms and dads have a different situation from the first time they started dating. Whether they’re widowed or divorced, they must keep their children’s needs at the forefront of any all relationships. Dating as a single parent may not be easy, but it can be rewarding if both people understand some basic rules.
Most Important – Parent and Child Safety
Every aspect of safety must be considered for a single parent. The child must be protected at all times, and the parent should never put himself or herself into any sort of risky situation because the children depend on that parent.
Get to know people in a safe environment, such as church, school or work, before going on a date or introducing the other person to the children. If there are any red flags, or if something unsavory comes up about the person’s past, be wary. It’s bad enough for a woman or man to take chances, but now that children are involved, that’s not an option.
Child and Date Introductions
During the first few dates, it’s not a good idea to introduce the children because they’ve already been through enough by losing one of the parents or going through a divorce. Once the relationship becomes steadier and more stable, the child can meet the parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend.
Introducing a new boyfriend or girlfriend in a non-threatening or neutral setting will make the situation more comfortable for everyone. Consider going on a date with the children, focusing completely on their pleasure. After the children get to know the other person, an occasional at-home date can be fun for everyone. Involve everyone in cooking a fun meal together.
Some ideas for dating with the kids include:
- Pizza and a kid movie
- Spending the day at the zoo
- Going on a picnic at a park or the beach
- An age-appropriate theme park
Know When to End the Date
Regardless of how a single mom or dad feels about spending the night with a date, the children won’t understand this relationship. It’s best for the parent to end the date and sleep in his or her own bed. This sets a good example for teenagers, and it will help reinforce what’s expected from them during their dating life. It will also help prevent confusion in younger children.
If the children are still awake after the date is over, they may have questions. Give them some one-on-one time and answer them with age-appropriate responses. They don’t need details – just reassurance that they’re still the most important part of their parent’s life.
Set Dating Rules
Establishing dating rules is critical for any single parent. This lets the children see responsibility in action. Some dating rules that will help prevent future problems in the relationship:
- Everyone must always be honest.
- Listen when someone is speaking.
- The children and the other person in the relationship must always treat each other with respect.
- Children will get some alone time with the parent without the other person getting jealous.
- Don’t confide personal feelings about the other person to the children. They can’t be impartial.
- Don’t push the children into a close relationship with the other person. That must come natural.
- Always be available to attend anything the children are participating in, such as plays, sporting events, recitals and school events.
- If the other parent is still living, never compare the new relationship to the one that didn’t work.
Single parent dating may be tricky, but it can be done successfully. Focus on safety first. Then find a pleasant and non-threatening way to introduce the child to the other person. Know when to end each date, and set dating rules early in the relationship.
Debby Mayne - Debby Mayne is a published author of more than 30 novels and novellas and former fashion writer for the Home Shopping Network.
