A study published in the September 2007 issue of the Journal of Family Issues revealed that men did about 9.5 hours of housework a week compared to more than 21 hours a week among women.
Full-time stay-at-home mothers appear to suffer more than working mothers because they depend financially on their husbands, leaving them with less bargaining power to get their spouses more involved in household chores and parenting.
The good news is that there are ways to get husbands to do more housework. To avoid making the man feel defensive and unappreciated, approach him with affection and gratitude whenever there’s a need to talk about sharing household chores.
Appeal to the Husband’s Sense of Fair Play
If a husband truly cares about his wife, the latter can appeal to his sense of fair play, says Dr. Joshua Coleman, author of The Lazy Husband [Piatkus Books Ltd, 2005]. For instance, the husband works full-time while the wife stays home for the kids. She is exhausted because she does everything herself at home. She can talk about the lack of fairness in the arrangement by saying that while he works eight hours, she works 24 hours a day. He has more time to rest while she virtually has none. If she starts the request with appreciation instead of aggression, he is more likely to do more housework.
Suggest that Housework will Benefit the Husband
A man is more likely to participate in household chores if he can benefit from it. The wife can suggest that if he helps out more, she will have more time to rest. That means she’ll have more energy to do some of the more fun things he’s always wanted to do together as a couple on weekends.
The Wife Clearly States how Unhappy She Is
Some women unhappily accept the situation only to grow resentful of their husbands. “If you’re talking to your husband about your feelings, you may have to make it very, very plain how unhappy you are with the current arrangement,” says Coleman. That means be clear, firm and avoid letting guilt about wanting more from the husband make the request vague and weak.
Allow the Husband to Do Housework His Way
Some women are too critical of the way their husbands do housework. Consequently, the men feel unappreciated and prefer not to be involved. If that’s the case, stop doing that. Instead, allow the husband to do housework his way. It really doesn’t matter if the clothes are folded the different way or if he prefers washing the dishes after he’s watched his favorite TV show. As long as he gets something done, it’s good enough.
Work with the Husband’s Priorities
A wife can get her husband do more housework by working with his priorities. For instance, if the husband is fastidious about the family car’s maintenance, let him handle the maintenance of the car – filling up the fuel tank, vacuuming, cleaning, waxing, servicing, etc. The car is a high priority for him. If the wife simply refuses to the chore, he’ll have no choice but to do it himself.
It’s a challenge for full-time mums to share household chores and parenting with men. To get husbands to do more housework, use affection instead of aggression to bring up the issue. Then, try to appeal to the husband’s sense of fair play, suggest that housework will benefit him, clearly state how unhappy you are with the current arrangement or allow him to do housework his way. It also helps to be clear, firm but not critical when using any of these approaches.
Found this article useful? Read also Tips to Reduce Household Chores, Common Excuses Men Use to Avoid Housework and Understanding Different Types of Husbands.
Wei Yin Wong - I started my working life as a reporter at an English daily called The Sun in Malaysia 16 years ago, writing health-related articles. ...
