A common issue for parents of gifted children is to have a tendency to treat their kids as if they are already adults. To some degree this is a good thing. However, though they do possess maturity in terms of their reasoning skills, they still lack experience and the reinforcement associated with learning things by trial and error. Some mistakes they make at this age could be more devastating than if the mistakes occurred at a later chronological age.
Walking the Discipline Line With the Gifted Child
There is a difficult balance to maintain in wanting them to spread their wings and try new things, while needing to protect them from danger and risky behaviors. One good example is illegal drug use. Eventually, many kids will try using marajuana or other mind-altering substances as part of growing up and experimenting. Protecting a young child of twelve or thirteen from experimenting with drugs is vital, even if he has the developmental age of a much older child.
A parent may rightly feel that a gifted child of this age should not be allowed to be out late at night socializing with his older friends. However, if a special event comes up that requires a later night out, the parent needs to work out a compromise. Perhaps his dad accompanies him to a special concert or an older brother could do so, in order to allow him to attend.
The parents want the child to be accepted among his school peers and friends. When the child has skipped several grades and his social circle is much older, it is hard to prevent him from spending time with them, based on the principle that he has an earlier curfew. Making compromises is important to keeping the peace and maintaining fairness to the child.
Ideas on Making Compromises on Restrictions for the Gifted Child
Parents who are willing to be hosts to youth gatherings and activities are in a good situation for keeping track of the child's activities. If the gifted child's home could be the place for kids to gather, watch movies and play video games, this will ease the parents concerns about the child socializing with older kids.
If the opportunity exists in the community for contacting other families with gifted children, this is a great resource for socializing, discussions on rules used for other families and it will give the family a potential sounding board for raising these kinds of issues. Parents who take a strong interest in the child's activities and sporting events will maintain the best possible relationship with the child.
Being open, approachable and available to discuss anything and everything with the child is so important, particularly as the gifted child maneuvers his way through puberty and the early teen years. He needs to know that he can discuss anything with the parent, without retribution. Showing love, support and a willingness to compromise where possible is key to a healthy relationship.
His safety, however, should not be compromised. Logical explanation and reasoning will help him to appreciate those situations where the parent must say no or prohibit him from participating in risky behavior or activities. There is a fine line between over-protectiveness and reasonable protection. In situations where disagreements occur, it may be helpful to get impartial input from a teacher, counselor or mentor, with the stipulation that the parent makes the final decision.
Problem Behavior in Gifted Kids
If the child is involved in behavior the parent does not approve of and the situation gets out of control, bringing in a third party, such as a counselor or therapist, may help get the situation back on track. For example, a child who violates the parents' trust and sneaks out at night is an out of control situation. A counselor can mediate the issues and bring the family back from a dysfunctional relationship or pattern.
In summary, open communications is the key to a healthy relationship with a gifted child. Parents who can host events, participate in activities and accompany the gifted child so he can get involved in activities with his older friends will be rewarded with great rapport. When problems become too complex, involving an impartial person may help resolve family differences.
There are many terrific resources for help on the internet including Hoagies Gifted and Gifted and Talented Society. Utilize these resources for helpful information, links and referrals.
References:
DeLisle, James R. Parenting Gifted Kids. TX: Profrock Press, 2006.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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