It can be devastating to be on the receiving end of a cyberbully's harassment.
Why Kids Don't Tell Their Parents About Cyberbullies
Why don’t children tell their parents when they are being harassed by cyberbullies? Bill Belsey, one of the world’s foremost experts on cyberbullying and creator of the web site cyberbullying.ca, explained in a phone interview, “Kids know, especially as they get older, that if they do tell somebody chances are more often than not that adults will blow it and make it worse."
He continued, "Kids know that a lot of adults don’t know how to handle it in a way that is helpful or effective or supportive so what happens is that when it comes to cyberbullying there is another level here. The other level is that kids these days have a certain amount of their relationships face-to-face but increasingly a lot of socialization that happens among peers happens online."
"So if a kid gets a death threat on their e-mail, IM or cell phone, not only do they not want to tell parents because they will make it worse anyway, the kids are worried that mom or dad will take away my cell phone, my access to the internet, my e-mail and my IM. For kids today that is a gigantic social lifeline and parents don’t get it.”
Belsey goes on to say, “As adults we use our phone in conservative, practical ways but the way kids relate to technology, those online conversations and communications are extensions of the relationships that they have at school. There is that fear of being cut off from their social group, your peers online. They don’t want to lose that whole other lifeline to their peer group, which increasingly happens online. People don’t really understand.”
Is My Child a Cyberbully Victim?
Since kids don't usually tell us they are being cyberbullied, here are some signs to watch for:
- Desire to avoid school – claim illness in the morning or call you from school wanting to come home. Yet they are fine on the weekends.
- Changes in sleeping and eating patterns.
- No longer wants to do regular activities or participate in social events.
- Doesn’t answer their cell phone when it rings.
- Sudden avoidance of the computer.
- Closes windows on the computer when others enter the room.
- Hides e-mails and messages when other people come near the computer.
- Unexplained pictures on your computer.
- Unexpected bursts of tears.
- Increased aggressiveness.
- Unexplained long distance charges on your phone bill.
- Unexplained lost personal items or money.
Damage done by cyberbullies can be devastating to their victims. They feel lonely and scared. Their self-esteem plummets. Depression and suicide rates increase. The worst thing is for victims to suffer in silence; they need a parent or trusted adult to help deal with the situation.
Most adults do not realize how devastating cyberbullying can be. It can cause deep emotional wounds and the scars can last a lifetime.
Actions to Take if Your Child is a Cyberbully Victim
If you find out your child is dealing with a cyberbully, assure them you will not take away their access to their computer, cell phone, or whatnot. Praise them for telling you and promise you will help and not make matters worse. Avoid making light of the situation or telling the child to just ignore it. The victims are not to blame in this situation.
You should report harassment to your Internet Service Provider or mobile phone service provider. Forward the messages to the service provider or provide the Web site address that contains the offensive remarks. But be forewarned that freedom of speech issues make Internet Service Providers reluctant to step in and stop cyberbullies.
Do not delete messages from cyberbullies. Keep records of all of the bullying instances, including e-mails, Web site addresses, text messages, instant messages, etc. The police, telephone company or Internet Service Provider may need the records to stop the bully.
If the cyberbullying continues you may need to cancel your cell phone account, e-mail address, IM account, or whatever means the bully is using to torment you and open new ones. Be extra cautious who you give the new numbers or addresses to as the bully may be someone close to you.
Never Respond To Cyberbullies
What cyberbullies want to achieve by taunting others technologically is to have power and control over them. By responding to messages, cyberbullies know what they are doing is effective and encourages them to continue. They will use a response from a victim to continue their cruelty as it continues their reign of empowerment. NEVER respond to a cyberbully.
When Should Police Be Contacted?
Detective Staff Sergeant Arni Stinnissen, Manager of the Electronic Crime Section with the Investigation Support Bureau of the Ontario Provincial Police, shared his thoughts in a phone interview:
“There are few laws that address Internet technology specifically but there are some existing laws in the Criminal Code of Canada that may address certain aspects of cyberbullying. Generally, if it’s a crime in the real world, it’s a crime on the Internet. Applicable sections may involve Defamatory Libel, Personation or Criminal Harassment."
"I suggest that if your child is being cyberbullied, contact the police right away. In a school environment, I suggest that schools make some initial contact with their local police to determine a protocol and understanding in reporting cyberbullying so that both parties are content with the reporting procedure.”
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Toby Welch - Toby is a full-time freelance writer who specializes in magazine articles, online writing, e-books, and manuscript editing.
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