Real Freedom is Living Outside the NT Box: New to this

» deehout - New to this

have been married for 2 1/2 years to a wonderful and beautiful man (an engineer turned IT guru!) who I have been unable to reach or understand. I have been in private therapy for 18 months believing that my failure to communicate with him was as a result of my fear of commitment. Listening to my stories about my husband my therapist became convinced that he was suffering from some or other disorder. The fact that he cuts the labels out of all this clothes and refuses to wear certain fabrics coupled with his exaggerated intolerance for noise altered her to the fact that he might have a sensory disorder.
After repeatedly begging him, last month I finally managed to get him to start joint therapy with me with a new therapist. The fact that something was wrong was so obvious that at the first session our therapist suggested that he may be suffering from depression. At the second session the therapist asked my husband several questions about obsessive behavior and social anxiety. When I related these things to my private therapist she immediately suggested that I read 'Loving Mr Spock' by Barbara Jacobs. I spent all weekend reading the book and for the first time in my life with my husband I have felt both understood and that I understand. Ms Jacobs, I see you communicate on this site and if you read this I want to say thank you. For years I have felt and been confused by my intense and overpowering loneliness and have felt so guilty for feeling so lonely when I share my world with such a wonderful man.

It is early days and, as I continually caution myself, no diagnosis has been given. However, as an ardent and committed skeptic, I am not one to easily fall for fads, theories or explanations. It is, however, just too much of a coincidence that I so perfectly fit the role of NT partner while my husband's oddness seen in the light of AS makes such perfect sense.

I made the mistake of confiding in a girlfriend over a glass of wine and shed tears. After only three days of myself understanding what AS is, I have already had to confront the horror of prejudice, fear and ignorance. My friend said she was horrified that my therapist had given me the book when she had never met my husband. She was afraid that the "stigma" of a classification was dangerous and that I must face up to and accept responsibility for the fact that it takes two to make a relationship fail and I should not shift all the blame onto my husband by "giving him a mental condition".

I would very much appreciate any tips or pointers on how to handle this initial period.

-- posted by deehout