Do Aspies really feel love for others?
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- shyfig
- Impulse99
- aspieex
- aspieex
- aspieex
- kam19
- quam
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» shyfig - do aspies realy feel love for others?
An article which has helped me a little. Could someone shed some light on my situation? An "undefined relatonship" with a gentleman for 4 years who now believes he may have aspergers. I dont know if this man is "in love" with me or just feels platonic friendship as he believes he does). He shows all the neurotypical indicators of someone "in love" but does not think he is. Or is it possible that he exhibits "inappropriate behaviour" and expresses frindship feelings in ways that give the appeaance of being "in love".Also do most aspies not want relationships?
I guess my question is ow would an aspie male know that he was "in love"?
-- posted by shyfig
» Impulse99 - How can we have a relationship when he's always busy
I've fallen in love with a guy with Aspergers who is highly functioning & in fact a very talented artist. My problem is that we live in different towns and have to make an effort to meet up - that is, I have to make the effort to travel to him. This is often made difficult because he loves his work and cancels at short notice or is free only a few hours. I took this as a sign that he's not interested but he insists that's not the case and keeps asking to meet up - only to go silent on me again or tells me he's busy but will be free 'soon'. If I tell him his behaviour is hurtful he doesn't understand. How can I get him to make an effort to find time for us? He is a very wonderful person but how can you have a relationship with someone when you never see or hear from him?-- posted by Impulse99
» aspieex - Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy
In response to How can we have a relationship when he's always busy posted by Impulse99:-- posted by aspieex
» aspieex - Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy
In response to How can we have a relationship when he's always busy posted by Impulse99:I was married to an aspie for nearly 28 years. He was undiagnosed at that time. He was also highly functioning as he is a lawyer. He was emotionally unavailable as the years continued. Coming from an unhealthy home myself, I was not sure what to make of his behaviors. He was never available. I would get to near hysteria because he would never hear me. But he compensated well. He was a high achiever, obsessive-compulsive - did everything for everyone, worked out 20 hrs. a week. He is also narcissistic. When the kids grew up and left home, I filed for divorce.It was painful but I know I made the right decision. He has remarried and will continue the same behaviors. RUN while you can.
-- posted by aspieex
» aspieex - Re: do aspies realy feel love for others?
In response to do aspies realy feel love for others? posted by shyfig:I am not sure what you mean as "inappropriate behaviors." My ex did whatever he wanted without regard for anyone. Everything revolved around him. If we were at a party, and he wanted to leave, he slipped out the back door. He never said goodbye or thank you. Just disappeared.
Personally, I would not continue a relationship with him as he most does not have the ability to have an intimate relationship.
-- posted by aspieex
» kam19 - Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy
In response to Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy posted by aspieex:I am sick of hearing these depressing stories about people with aspergers who have failed to maintain a relationship. It is not their fault, it is just that their brain does not function like a normal human being. They are capable of loving others but do not always show it in the right way. We have to undertand the way they feel from their point of view. If they can't say or act how they feel then perhaps get them to write a message as they can often express their emotions and feelings much easier this way.
-- posted by kam19
» quam - Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy
In response to Re: How can we have a relationship when he's always busy posted by kam19:I have to say everything I've read in these postings is rather sad, I feel bad for all these women who've been in realationships with emotionaly unavaible men with AS, my therapist thinks I have AS and I agree with her, but while I display some of the symptoms of the men listed here (social awkwardness, etc) I'm very sensative, I'm very aware of how awkward I am, and I don't want to be, if anything I express my emotions too freely in a desprate attempt to compensate for how alienated I am. I find that making a concious effort to regulate my anxiety does wonders for me in social situations, I can stop myself taking things personaly when someone's being rude to me, I can stop myself from trying to explain to them I have AS and they have no right to talk to me this way, I can just write them off and go on with my day - something I could never do before I found out I have AS. I have an enormous history of social and emotional abuse I don't know how to cope with it pops up in my dreams and makes me feel worthless. I've always been a romantic and wanted to get married from the time I was 4, I've been in a lot bad relationships that my improper theory of mind didn't allow ot to see comming, compulsive liars, schizophrenics, etc. I'd like to think that my willingness to learn, to overcome wahtever social limitations I've had all my life, to expand my awareness and learn to compensate will hypotheticly make me a good partner for an intelegent caring woman. I'd like to think I'm more capible of being in a good relationship than most of the men mentioned here because of my willingness, but my gulibility sets me to to open myself too much to quickly to women who aren't remotely senstive.
-- posted by quam
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