So What Is Why

» AspyMoose - shot in the dark

I seem to analyze all of my views. my multi perceptions display throughout my mind to infinity for now. I just find out I have Asperger's and seems to make a little more sense now. I guess? but I took my aspiness and through together with the help of my cousin-in-law a nifty way to run my world. even though it runs from me from time to time. my cousin is not functioning autism, not sure what kind yet, but he shows me the key to my mind I believe. through his highly non functional way of living and my own autistic need of analizations for patterned associates and picture in language. I have taken his extremes and found them in myself. what good does that do? well I am always questioning why. not sure if you guys do to? but I mean why, then why, then why, then why, etc. etc. I have found my self at the edge of my mind wondering what is more. what could be greater, or smaller? but I think I found something I can not define. I’ll try to put it in words but these words are blind. and since my base language is image and pictures, it gets difficult to describe the different complexities inside of my mind. so I found that my "TV’s" I have in my head is controlled by me! this could be good bad, john Nash in beautiful mind controlled his TV’s too, but the greater control was his mind unto himself. I feel as if I must watch myself to make sure this is actually reality? but still I control my TV’s. I can actively see around 3 to 17 TV’s it seems at any given moment. now as I stated I must ask why, and knowing that this is my mind I took a step back. this revealed perceptions upon perceptions televisions spanning my mind. then of course I had to ask why again, and how, and what can I do with these televisions? so I started to go through them. exposing more televisions behind the ones in front and then more behind the next. and so on and so forth. now it seems as I control and fly through my perceptions changing my TV’s pictures by will either moving with me or floating by. I also found an interesting thing that seems as if my TVs will re-associate picture order (like 3 TVs = 1 2 3 or 2 3 1 or 3 1 2 or 1 3 2 or etc. etc.) so I took another "step" and found I control these pattern associated moves of my perceptions. so having fun I started throwing them around and reanalyzing perceptions while flying through multi 3-d displays that span infinity. I guess the more I learn I border between finding out that it is fun and cool, and realizing that I am not the same. I am different and most would quick to judge that my world is indeed inside of my head so I must be insane? but I am still new at the whole aspy thing like a few months now. but I guess I was just wondering if anyone thinks anything about what I said? also kind of funny, my autistic cousin-in-law has a sever case that hinders his reality to where he will also be with our family for ever. I have been working with him, but before I knew I was autistic I just thought that I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart. now I wonder how much of me wanted his routine, maybe the reason I "attached" to him and he bonds with me is because we are so much a like. yet I understand the difference better than he shows his understanding of it. so I do it out of the kindness of my heart, but also cause he gave me a routine that was more in-depth than Rain Man. and my autistic side probably and now that I know I am autistic I think it definitely likes the routine that him and I have set. just funny how things work out?

-- posted by AspyMoose

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» saint36 - shot in the dark

In response to shot in the dark posted by AspyMoose:

Dear AspyMoose,

I posted a reply to your message here and although I can relate to all stresses of the people who have partners with AS, I can also very well relate to your explanations. Thank you for such clear and honest articulations of your mind. I have forwarded your posts to my partner who I am sure will find in you also the means to express himself to me and to others and perhaps especially even to himself.

If things will improve in our relationship, I hope to be able to study this more with my partner and help others in a similar situation.

Warm regards.

-- posted by saint36

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