Bipolar Boyfriend--any advice?

» enabler666 - going through a break-up with my bipolar boyfriend

ive been in a relationship with a bipolar man for almost 5 yrs. We have had our ups and downs, but overall, there are many things i love about him. Great cook, cleans up after himself, and loves me in a way that is obvious to others and like no other has. However, things are ending, not by my choice. I know hes going through a low. Both his mother and I can see this very clearly. All the signs are there. He is totally emotionally detached and hes been drinking like a fish and stuff like that. Its just so very painful. Im 5 yrs younger than him and I have it together to say the least. Im a sweeet girl, that has a great education and have alot of things going for me. Im not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to give you the picture. This is a guy who is 5 yrs older (30 yrs old) still working on a bachelors, and is consistenly broke. He covers his part of the bills (we live together) but at the same time, never has anything. Im constantly trying to take care of him and make his life easier...I know, this isnt good! Hes been medicated and found something (symbax) that works really well for him. Things havent been good though, and hes closed himself off. In the next month or so , ill be moving away (far..countries away!) for a while. even still, after all this bullshit, i worry about him ...i know that he is going to take a turn for the worse. After all, who will be there to set the alarm, to drive him home, to get him to take his pill...etc.,. i dont need to explain this to you ladies. the good thing is that im only 15, i have my whole life ahead of me..but this has been very painful. im extremely close to his family. And all his friends and familt are furious with him. All i hear is how much he fucked up and how hes throwing away the best thing. In some ways, i want it to work out after weve had some time apart. but then again, maybe its best i move on. its hard getting over someone you envisioned your entire life with. What sucks is that i know he is in a bad way. He is showing all the perverbial signs of being in "a low" or whatever the hell you wanna call it. but what am i supposed to do...sit around and be with an emotional closed-off mess..I have to do whats right for me. I just hate it because i dont understand! I know the positive thing is that he will have to suffer his own consequences for once in his life...its just amazing to me that after all we been through, after holding his hand through the worst and best times of his life, he can be so uncaring about the pain im in right now.

thank you for letting me get this off my chest. People dont know whats its like to be in a relationship with someone who is bi-polar. I know here that there is maybe someone who understands me and what im going through.

-- posted by enabler666

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» keri726 - depressed...

In response to depressed... posted by bbb95:

I thought we already went over this "Betsey" or whatever your name is. You are NOT "normal". You are a very sick, dangerous, NAZI, and any woman that READ ANY OF YOUR POSTS that wouldnt agree is as sick as you are. The word is perfectly applicable and you deserve it after those other posts you typed.

I already exposed you on here and disected each of your previous posts and showed you exactly for what you are, a deviant, very sick, stigmatizing sociopath and psychopath who causes suicides, hopelessness, isolation, and horrific stigma in people.

As mentioned earlier, I will NOT allow sick Nazis like you (and I dont use that word lightly) to stereotype people like my guy (see my previous posts) when you are one of the most dangerous people that walks this earth. Any "normal" woman that read your previous posts, and read them fully, AND PAID ANY ATTENTION, would agree how very sick, and dangerous, and evil you are. (unless THEY are crazy!)

You need to be stopped. And if noone else will do it due to lack of conviction, then it will be me. The days are over of filth like you destroying human souls and hearts and feelings and minds and LIVES through your sick, vicious ways.

The other women here acted differently than you for the most part with a few exceptions. Some know how to discuss things intelligently without stereotyping and stigmatizing everyone like you did, and burning them with a mark on their forearm with a number like you did. And that is exactly what you did. And you keep calling youself "normal".

On my life, you are the most abnormal woman I have EVER read on the net, and all your previous posts prove it, had these women bothered to read them. They werent just sick, they were literally Nazilike. Beause she refuses to take responsibility for her board and her behavior, my Mom has decided to post Kathy Brewis's name on several forums on the net, and on The Ripoff Report, and the owners of this site too, for her not removing your Nazi like posts (several previous posts) and for Kathy Brewis allowing your destruction of these people. Apparently, Kathy is as sick as you to allow such things to ruin lives. Kathy will be held responsible for it.

No wonder so many of these young guys and girls committ suicide due to FILTH like you. I will not stop till you are fully exposed for what you are, and it certainly isn't "normal". Any man that would date a woman like you, after reading all those other posts of yours, is indeed a very sick man.

I will not allow you to harm people like my guy, girls like him, or those other people that you wish to isolate and stigmatize with your Joseph Mengele and Goebbels like posts. Its shocking that none of these women read your other posts and dont stand up to you. It just shows what they are as well.

-- posted by keri726

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» SweetCmissesU - Is this because of his bipolar?

I can relate to your feeling. Your guy sounds exactly like my guy. Literally, I went through the same thing."see the discussion, Does he love me?" When the love was given, it was intense, sincere, passionate, and so wonderful. Then without warning complete isolation from me, his parents, work everyone. I would call and call, no answer. Knock on his door, he's there on the sofa but won't answer. It takes alot out of you to love someone like this, it destroys your own self esteem. If you love him like I did, you'll put up with it again and again, until you can't anymore not because you don't love him. Because you are so broken and have no more energy...Sometimes you need to stay away, in order to maintain your own self esteem. Just my thought. Anyway your not alone.

In response to Is this because of his bipolar? posted by scorpioness:

-- posted by SweetCmissesU

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» SweetCmissesU - Is this because of his bipolar?

ON that note too, I have been there feeling like a stalker calling and calling and going to his house. Fearing the worst, but hoping he'll finally answer. Oh one more thing, I noticed you call yourself scorpioness...is this because your a scorpio or would your love happen to be a scorpio. I am curious because my guy just happen to be a scorpio.

In response to Is this because of his bipolar? posted by scorpioness:

-- posted by SweetCmissesU

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» sweet1nene - Please help

I have been searching the internet for days, hoping for some awnsers and finally found this site. I have randomly read many postings and with tears I thank you all for your honesty and candour. I just got dumped out of the blue by the most wonderful man I have ever been priviliged to have loved. He is very aware and in control of his bipolar, takes his meds, keeps healthy, avoids drugs, alcohol etc...does all that he can. I fully accepted his condition and educated myself on it. That is what you do when you love someone. I thought we were happy, I thought he was happy... then he decided due to Christian beleifs to end sex with me, but still wanted me as his girl in the view to marriage if we lasted. Of course this new phase was so hard, but I accepted his needs to do this, and yes, it was difficult for him too. Then we both quit smoking at the same time,,, which meant we were both on edge and volitile but we discussed it, and helped each other. One night after nearly having sex but then finding our resolve, he woke me up in a manic state. He needed his space, said I was snoring and took me home. He said he need a break and would call in two days. I called him and he simply said that he loved me,,, but not in that way. Completely out of the blue, with no signals, no warnings,,, in other relationships they were there,,, but not with him. He said he had been confused and simply came and picked up all his things while I was not there. He left me all his paintings though... he practically moved in on my life and set up himself into my home, though we did not live together. i am so very sad, I miss him so much. Bang he entered my life and swept me off my feet,, so loving, so intense and then bang he leaves. This was the note he left when he picked up his things... "Forget about me, I am not worth crying over...you are too good for me, too nice" what did I do wrong?? Is it possible that this is normal? Is this sadly part of the illness? What are the chances that he will come back like I have read about on this site. Can I go through this again? I would, because I love him deeply. Argggggggggghhhhhhh and sorry for venting so much. I will take some of the advice already written and leave him be but it feels like I am getting no closure. Its so damned hard to be given such a wonderful gift, a beautiful man in my life, and then suddenly..when I thought we had such a connection,,, its gone, he is gone.

-- posted by sweet1nene

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» keri726 - Please help

In response to Please help posted by sweet1nene:

I have one suggestion for you. If he is not like my boyfriend (who also had BP at one point) and doesnt understand you cant abandon a girl and keep her love, then you need to go.

Not all bipolar guys are like this. Like many men, you have those that pull this stuff, and those who dont.

As i said in previous posts, its all about expectations and rules.

My boyfriend and me knew the rules from the get go, and we follow them. that is why we ahve such a healthy, good long relationship. (then again, he would never abandon me or break up with me, Bp or not)

Its not a valid excuse for doing this. No way.

The truly kind men dont abandon their gals, and my guy had BP and some painful experiences and he has never done that to me. Its not even in him to do that. It is not acceptable.

Many BP guys would never do this, as they really want the girl they love, and appreciate them. SOME are idiots like men of ALL types.

If you date any guy who has BP or not, make sure you date the type that dont abandon people and are loyal, like my guy, and know what is expected from the start. Thats how you know what type of guy you are getting, BP at one point in their life, or not.

If you take him back, you make darn clear that you will never tolerate such a selfish act again, and that he is AS IMPORTANTLY giving BP guys like mine a bad name! (and I swear on my vision that IS what he is doing, and I HATE these guys for it, because my guy is wonderful and not like this, and I hurt when I read these things. He causes some cruel people to stereotype people (many of whom are awesome and loving and loyal) because of his damn actions! And it makes me mad!

-- posted by keri726

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» SweetCmissesU - Please help

In response to Please help posted by sweet1nene:

From my experience, not all people with BP act or react the same way. There are so many factore that influence the behaviour. Self esteem, strength, will power, tolerance.

However, from what I experienced my bp love and I also shared something so wonderful and he left also without warning. It is my opinion from all I have researched that they cannot control the flutuation in thier feelings and deal with the only ways they no how. I believe the man may have feelings for you and come back. However you have to ask yourself could you live through this again? Is this something you can cope with or will it break down your own self esteem? When you answer that question? You will know what to do? Because he will be back!

Good luck, and your in our prayers.

-- posted by SweetCmissesU

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» sweet1nene - Please help

In response to Please help posted by SweetCmissesU:

Thank you for taking the time to say what you have. Thank you for your advice and wisdom. He recently came back just to pick up some things he had left behind and his hair was wild, his clothes rediculous and spoke like a totally different person. I really simply sat and fully 'looked' into his eyes as he cruely explained with such insensitivity, that 'God' had told him to now just go out and have some fun, to not be soooo 'Stiff'... and then he actually grinned at his choice of words. He went on to say that the celebacy he had inforced on our relationship was real, but that the person he had been with me, was not the real him,,, but simply a ghost of him. With great sadness and pain,,, I told him that that was not god talking, but him using his illness to go out and root around, and that was not Christian at all. With great restraint I clearly stated that he obviously did not know what love is and that rooting half the town may make him feel good for a while, but will in the end leave him empty. He agreed but said it was part of him that he had tried to deny but can't. He then proudly went on to say how many woman he had had, over 50 now. With great disgust I asked him to leave......he did. Ten minutes later, the 'Ghost' rang me in tears. Telling me that he loved me, telling me that he missed me, telling me that he felt no guilt because at least he tried. At least he didn't cheat on me while with me. That I was right, he did not know what 'true' love is and that he still wanted me in his life,,, please don't leave my life. He then told me he was crying...

I realised that he can only mimick pain. He has never had a relationship with someone, a proper girlfriend, except for me. He has never felt what it is like to be heartbroken as he has never allowed himself to be heartbroken. He simply sleeps with woman, then leaves. At least I was worth trying hard for,,, I must hold onto that fact.

For me I truely have learnt and I warn other women, that in hindsight,,,, I did not take the time to really fully 'look' at how sick this particular bipolar man was. His ability to just mentally switch back and forth, from one person to another is something I myself really need to know if I can handle. I have realised that my own need to be loved,,, impaired my judgement. He was always open and honest about his past... He has been violence,,, said he could turn it on and off like a switch. He had been in hosipital three times in the past five years and so many other things that should have told me, warned me to step back and be just a friend first. I suppose what I am trying to say is this....We need to do this, not just with a mentally ill man, but with ALL men. Some bipolar men I am sure, and have read, are more capable of maintaining a healthy relationships, than others. Our hearts are precious,,, and whilst it is a brave soul that can simply without fear throw themselves into a relationship,,, it depends upon their own self esteem if they can handle that. If you don't bounce well after ANY break up,,, then perhaps when another chance on love comes by,,, its time to look after yourself and be more discerning. His past will give you clues, the way he has dealt with other lovers and partners when feelings aren't recipricated - will tell you and me. Take the time to SEE the man, before you give it all away. We are worth it.

I miss my 'Ghost' and have realised that that part of him may come back. He wants my friendship, but my fear is now.. that what if his friendship becomes simply a ghost too. I need to be careful here. If he can switch his mental state so easily and be so cruel about my feelings,,, what else is he capable of. I now need to look at MYSELF.. I am strong yes! But,,, I admit i have a gentle sensative heart that can't cope with this. My particular bipolar man, is sicker than I wanted to see... I am so very sad of this fact,,, but it is the truth. This one man is too sick to have a normal relationship. This is the FACT. No matter how much i love him. This is the FACT. Not all are like him... and I say to those with bipolar men and happy... you are so lucky! Good for you!

Now I have to go through the hard process of purging him out of my heart, my life and head. Bipolar men seem to have such wonderful capacity to sweep you off your feet like no other men. They have no fear to give you all the love you desire,,,,,,, but alas,,, not all bipolar men (and healthy men) are able to maintain even something close to a normal relationship. FACT.
Even if my beautiful ghost does come back to me,,, though it will break my heart,,, I will have to say no. I deserve a man, not a ghost for just a moment in time.

I hope what I have written will help some other person out there. I will now go and grieve the loss of my ghost, my beautiful Angel and move on. I wish with all my heart that my man was whole, but he is not, and will sadly never be whole.

Good luck and love to you all. xxx

-- posted by sweet1nene

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» amiee100 - depressed...

this response is to keri726, you have no right to say "betsey" is crazy for the things she's saying about her bp man. you are one of the lucky ones who's bf doesn't have the severe bipolar condition that most of us have to deal with. it does make you feel crazy everyday. I believe her boyfriend has bipolar coupled with antisocial personality disorder and her list was very familar to me. I could have wrote that list about my boyfriend. just have more compassion for the women dealing with severe cases - thats all I ask. I will tell my story shortly.

-- posted by amiee100

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» sweet1nene - depressed...

In response to depressed... posted by amiee100:

Dear Amiee100, I agree with you to a large extent. I would like to remind everyone that we have all come to this forum either for answers, or to simply share, and that basically we are or have been in pain. This is a chance to release, to find some sense and solace from the storm of feeling rejected and lost. There is going to be great sadness expressed, there is going to be anger and there is going to be defensiveness. Freedom of speech is contained within the realms of common respect and decency for each others views. Sure, if a bitter person gets on here... well, as annoying or painful or whatever their remarks may be,,,,,,, it is still a form of release for them. It is often the ones who are clouded by bitterness and appear mean and intolerant that are in the most pain, They show the most hositility and yes can say some dumb, insensitive things whilst in this space. But they are just hurting themselves and just know no other way of expressing it. Anger is still an emotion.
I guess what I am trying to say is this... 1. Most people who will come to this site, will read probably all the letters posted in order to find some peace. We all must allow that individual to disern what is right for them, what they need to take away for them to find solace, depending on where they are right at that moment. I myself needed to hear ALL sides and then made my own realisation for me based upon others experience in relation to my own. Yes I cringed at some comments posted that seemed ignorant or unfair towards bipolar people... but I also knew that that person is simply very hurt and expressing it through here. 2. I also agree with another person who said that we must consider seriously what we write here, for words can offend and push people over the edge.
I guess its a catch 22. A place to feel safe to purge fully and / but a place where bipolar loved ones, or bipolar people themselves may feel victimised and unfairly judged. SOOOOO I say this....... Empathy,,, we are all just wanting to feel accepted, we are all just looking for a way to feel validated for our feelings. We are all just wanting to be understood and know that we are not alone. Some will vent from a space of anger, some will vent with the intent to make sense of thier own situation, some will just want to get on here and change some misguided perceptions,,,,,,, the main thing is,,,,,,, we are here, THAT in itself says "We FEEL."
Lets not lose the message that we all want to be at peace.

-- posted by sweet1nene

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