Parenting ADHD Children

By Marlene Anderson

Lesson 5: Lesson 5 - Behavioral management: Part II

Attachment #2: Non-Compliance

NON-COMPLIANCE

Children want:

structure

rules to live by

to learn values and principles to guide them

unconditional love and acceptance as unique, individual persons

Non-compliant children become anti-social children. Compliance means willingness to:

follow rules

listen when instructions are given

act cooperatively

be receptive to new behaviors.

Non-compliant and anti-social children:

focus on what is wrong with rules and instructions

argue over insignificant details and are caught up in the game of disruption

avoid responsibility

throw temper tantrums

tuned into their own behavior vs. behaviors of others

as teens they rationalize their behavior

both praise and criticism will have no results

have an attitude of irritability and being testy

become hostile

adults feel pressured to use force, issue commands and continuous requests

have severe adjustment problems

at risk for serious behavior problems with law, drugs, sex, gangs, etc.

THE COERCION PROGRESSION:

Noncompliance

Temper tantrums

Fighting

Stealing

Noncompliance is a serious problem and research indicates that it leads to more serious behaviors. The first noticeable step in this progression is when children don’t comply or do as they are asked to do when reasonable requests are made, which leads to major confrontations.

A child who ignores requests is avoiding responsibility. When parents try to unsuccessfully enforce, the child has a temper tantrum. As the temper tantrums are rewarded, the child gradually learns that a good tantrum works even better than ignoring in getting parents to stop making requests. Then temper tantrums occur more often and become increasingly intense. This carries into the school environment as well. As parents lose control they begin to rationalize their child’s behavior: “He’s the new kid in school” - “Boys will be boys.” “All kids need to fight and work out their problems”.

This progression into noncompliance leads to stealing. Unexplained items turn up in home, and when the child is confronted, his answer is “Jimmy gave me his truck” or “Johnny let me borrow his CD this weekend.” Reports from school about lunch money missing from children’s desks may begin. Perhaps there has been an incident of shoplifting. Parents become confused because their son or daughter has been given whatever they wanted or needed. They may even be earning extra money doing chores. As this progression continues, there are more and more incidents with behaviors such as disobedience, fighting, and stealing. Parents become more concerned and worried. They think they should be doing something but don’t know what to do. At about this time, they begin receiving reports from the school and elsewhere that their child is having conduct problems. At this point the progression has evolved into a very serious problem, which begins to involve the legal system as well.

Conduct problems, deviant behavior, disobedience, fighting, stealing, arguing, etc., begin with non-compliance.