Parenting ADHD Children

Lesson 6: Lesson 6 - Dealing With Difficult Emotions & Behaviors

Attachment #1: Managing Anger and Aggression

MANAGING ANGER AND AGGRESSION

People who have anger-control problems usually do not stop and think about the long-term consequences of anger and aggression. Aggressive behavior works – at least in the short term. Children often act out aggressively because they have difficulty expressing hurt, fear, disappointment, frustration or other painful feelings, and aggressive behavior may be the only way a child is able to express these feelings. Here are some anger management strategies for children as designed by John Taylor and adapted from his book, "Helping Your Hyperactive Child":

1. Help child recognize his/her anger intensity.

Little anger: Frustrations. "I can handle this."

Big anger: Rage. "I feel like hitting somebody."

2. Use “Stop Light” problem solving:

“Green Light”: “I can handle this”. “I can look at what is happening in a different way so I won’t get angry next time.”

“Yellow Light”: "Which situations are going to make me angry? How will I recognize the first signs of anger? How will I exercise self-control?"

“Red Light”: "Anger emergency!! Immediate intervention is needed!"

3. Teach self-monitoring phrases:

“Yellow Light”:

“I’m starting to get angry” “I need to be very careful now!” “I am in control of myself!”

“Red Light”:

“I’m really getting angry!”“I need to turn around and leave.”

4. Other anger strategies:

Help child keep an anger/concerns notebook. Discuss events each day.

Problem-solve anger situations. Name five things that make you angry and what you can do to resolve these situations.

Smile at yourself in a mirror. Think about what is making you angry. Keep smiling. Think harder. Keep smiling. Think harder. Keep smiling.

Use “magic” or “code” words to identify problems.

Anger is not managed by striking out. However, it can help children release negative energy attached to anger by hitting a pillow, or throwing stones in a can, or other forms of physical energy like running. Take a cool drink of water. Visualize a calm, pleasant place.

Leave situation. Take ten long, slow, deep breaths. Repeat affirmations while breathing: “I am in control.” “Relax! I can handle my emotions”.

Help child negotiate and resolve conflicts after anger levels are down.

Explain that problem solving is a sign of strength, not cowardice.

Help child to be assertive. “That bothers me. Please stop!” “When you do that, I feel frustrated and confused or get angry”

Practice a quiet “zip-the-lip” procedure. Zip – turn around – leave!

Adapted from Helping Your Hyperactive Child, by John Taylor