Lesson 3: How does a Parent discipline a Child's Heart?

When little Johnny breaks a vase with his new soccer ball, he is probably in violation of a host of house rules, the first of which may very well be “Don’t play soccer in the house.” Yet what happens if little Johnny is playing soccer in the house because his dad is urging him on to become an all-star soccer player?

Is dad sending mixed signals? Should little Johnny be disciplined? Should his action (breaking the vase) be disciplined or his heart (seeking to please a parent at the expense of obeying a rule)?

What’s a parent to do?

Set Biblical Goals

A Christian parent, just like any other parent, most likely wants the best for her/his child. Parents want to protect their children from making the same mistakes they made when young; they seek to spare them painful learning opportunities and hope, and pray, that the children will take the parents’ words over seeking to experience something for themselves.

In their quests to better their children’s future, some parents go too far. For example, many a parent has their child enrolled in a variety of after-school activities. Children are rushed to and fro, the ride-schedule looking more ambitious than the Swiss train schedule. Yet, the question remains: will this truly set up a child for a successful Christian upbringing? Some points to consider are:

• It is good for children to learn sports.
  If you find one your child enjoys, stick with it. However, do not burden your child with extra curricular activities that take time away from a family life where the child will have the opportunity to interact with a parent, rather than just seeing a parent on the perpetual sidelines. Conversely, seek out sport programs that focus in on Biblical principles, such as loyalty, perseverance, friendship, and sportsmanship, and avoid programs that spew the worldly view of “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”
• It is good for children to learn how to relate to others.
  If you can find a playgroup (for younger children) or if you can host sleepovers (for older children) go for it. Yet in doing so, seek out children (groups) that uphold Christian values over those who do not expressly seek them. For example, within a playgroup children are taught to share. Sharing is good, but fairness at the expense of learning how to serve another child is a skill bought at a high expense. It is more beneficial for a toddler to learn to skip her/his turn so that a new child who is insecurely standing at the sidelines can have a turn, preferably not after everyone else is done. Thus teaching compassion and serving leadership, your child will have learned more than if s/he (and the parent) had insisted on her/his turn and so simply learned that jockeying for position works.
• It is good for children to grow up in a home where there is Bible reading, Scripture memorizing, and constant prayer.
  Yet it is noteworthy that these activities in themselves will not save a child’s soul, just as they cannot save the parent’s soul. Faith without deeds is useless (1), and so it is within a household. If a child only hears about God, but does not seek to understand the true meaning of “WWJD” (what would Jesus do), the child’s faith is useless.
• It is good for children to learn to stand up for themselves and their beliefs.
  In an age of school shootings, it may even be advisable to teach them to ignore the bully and right away tell a grown up. Yet will it teach them a Biblical principle if they are taught to simply ignore a bully? Conversely, if they are taught to pity the bully, would it not much more teach them to love their enemies and pray for those who wish them ill? (2)

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